Modern rest is often shallow—optimized but not nourishing. And if you’re like many of the women I support, you’ve tried all the typical strategies: bubble baths, a digital detox, maybe even a wellness retreat. But the fatigue returns. Quickly.

I’m a professor, and my life tends to be pretty hectic during the [fall and spring] semester. So, in May when the semester ended, I gave myself a week to unwind. That week flew by! And I still felt drained even after that break… 

If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, here’s what might be happening:

The Real Reason You’re Still Tired

1. You’re mentally overextended, not just physically.

You wake up every day and walk into a wall of tasks that you don’t want to do. Plus, everyone else’s expectations and your own spiraling thoughts are swirling around in your head. 

This type of cognitive load doesn’t go away with a nap.

2. Your “rest” is performative.

If your rest still centers productivity—”rest so you can do more work”—you’re not restoring. You’re still operating from a model of: overworking now=justification to rest and have fun later.

3. You’re out of alignment with your actual needs.

Rest isn’t just about sleep. It’s about reconnection—with your rhythms, your values, and your evolving identity.

What to Do Instead

• Start with realignment, not performance.
  
• Ask: What does my body need? What emotions have I ignored this week?
  
• Let your rest be inefficient.

Ready to reset for real?

Grab a free copy of the Daily Self-Care Plan for small rituals you can follow throughout the day to feel more grounded and supported.

Pin this post to remind yourself that real rest starts with reconnection.

The Conversation

Mom shaming may prevent you from being open and sharing when you’re struggling and frustrated. (1:42)

Reframe how you label your child/ren. (8:05)

Be intentional about teaching your children and their learning, (12:04).

Create traditions and space for quality time. (19:36)

Resources Mentioned

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

The Conversation

(3:55) Work, life, and family balance is often a standard that only applies to women.

(6:21) Shanice doesn’t have a problem with women who want to take on traditional roles and are choosing to fulfill that role.

(13:44) Shanice takes issue with the expectation that women should to take on these roles along with the other expectation of maintaining careers.

(10:39) Conversations about work-life balance are even more complicated for Black women who are often stereotyped as mammies, superwomen, and Strong Black Women.

Action Step/Journal Prompts (13:44)

Do you feel guilty when you have to work and can’t be with your kids? If yes, why? What does this mean to you?

Does it feel impossible to maintain your house while you’re working from home? If so, does this bother you? Why?

Do you feel less than worthy when the dishes are dirty, the bathroom needs to be cleaned, the floor needs to be mopped? If so, why?

Introspection (14:56)

Shanice shares what inspired this week’s episode.

Books Mentioned in Episode

Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

In the Wake: On Blackness and Being by Christina Sharpe

The Conversation

1. Manage your mind. (6:22)
2. Break down tasks to their smallest form, and just start somewhere. (9:28)
3. Use the Pomodoro Technique, and build breaks into your day. (10:49)
4. Make use of a variety of spaces that are available to you. (13:03)
5. Listen to instrumentals. (15:20)
6. Multitask when you can, but beware of splitting your attention for certain tasks. (17:10)
7. Be aware of how you procrastinate, and plan ahead. (19:04)

Introspection

Vulnerability makes us human. Reach out to a friend if you’re struggling. Express gratitude for someone in your life who means a lot to you. You never know who needs to hear that you appreciate them. (22:29)

Resources

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan

FREE Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days

4 Journal Prompts to Make Peace with Unproductive Days

Decluttering can be a spiritual and emotional practice that helps you let go of fear. But, decluttering can be challenging for a lot of us. Do you find yourself surrounded by clutter or holding on to a lot of stuff that you don’t need? In episode 10, Shanice shares: 1) why letting go and decluttering can be so difficult, 2) why it’s important to declutter our houses (and our lives), and she offers some tips on 3) where and how you can start the process of letting go and decluttering.

Show Notes: https://herguidedevolution.com/declutter
FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan
FREE Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days: https://herguidedevolution.com/4

Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates

In episode 8, Shanice talks about mindful media consumption (consuming content with intention and in a way that serves you) versus mindless media consumption (consuming a lot of content that is negative and/or doesn’t serve you). You’ll learn how to evaluate your social media usage and the content that you consume, and Shanice offers tips to help you curate your social media feeds to promote positive vibes and personal growth. Oh yeah, there’s also a little rant about respectability politics at the end!

Show Notes: https://herguidedevolution.com/8
FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan
FREE Journal Prompts https://herguidedevolution.com/4

Timestamps

1:40 – It’s normal to struggle to stay motivated with exercise—especially if you have kids.

4:18 – Work on your mindset.

8:36 – Start small and easy with your workouts.

11:52 – Integrate your kids into your workouts.

14:45 – Take advantage of times where you have childcare.

18:26 – (Introspection) In this week’s Introspection, Shanice talks about the activities that have been bringing her joy (e.g. working on the podcast and her qualitative research project on Black women long distance runners). She also encourages you to be intentional about creating space for the activities that bring you joy.

Resources Mentioned

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan

Timestamps

2:08 – Guided (Situational) Journaling

4:09 – You are not your productivity. Black women are not labor mules.

6:54 – Journal Prompt #1: What did I do today?

10:32 – Journal Prompt #2: What didn’t I complete today?

11:54 – Journal Prompt #3: Why does it bother me that I didn’t complete these tasks?

14:53 – Journal Prompt #4: What is an alternative way that I can think about what I did today?

16:52 – (Introspection) In this week’s Introspection segment, Shanice talks about perfectionism and the importance of challenging your negative self-talk.

Resources Mentioned

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan

FREE PDF – 4 Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days