Dr. Shanice Jones-Cameron shares her personal struggle with consistency in content creation, addressing the shame and insecurities associated with it. She discusses the challenges of facing insecurities, seeking public validation, and the embarrassment of restarting content creation. Despite these struggles, she encourages others to give themselves grace and restart their creative endeavors.

Takeaways

• Consistency in content creation can be challenging due to the emotional and psychological barriers associated with facing insecurities and seeking public validation.
• The process of restarting content creation after a period of inactivity can be embarrassing and may lead to feelings of shame and self-doubt.
• Giving oneself grace and embracing the process of restarting creative endeavors is essential for personal growth and overcoming the challenges of content creation.

Sound Bites

• “Content creation makes you face all of your insecurities.”
• “Never let fear keep you from beginning again.”

Chapters

00:00 – The Struggle with Consistency in Content Creation

03:37 – Facing Insecurities and Seeking Validation in Content Creation

15:19 – Embracing the Process of Restarting Creative Endeavors

I think we need spaces where we are supported and able to be intentional in thinking about ourselves, how we feel, and how we are able to exist in the world. There are generations of Black women who have been doing this work and spreading this message of wellness, spirituality, and well-being. And I want to add to that by sharing my own story and sharing the knowledge that I have.

So, that’s part of the reason why I created Her Guided Evolution. I’m interested in evolving as a person, and I want to advocate for each of us to have a personal evolution.

When I talk about evolution and evolving as a person, I’m thinking about it in contrast to this idea of simply growing older, aging, and not knowing who you’re evolving into.

If you are not intentional about evolving, you might not have any solidified plans or ideas about your future.

You just wake up one day, maybe at 35 or 45 and you realize—I’m not the person that I want to be or intended to be. Like, how did I get here? How did my life turn out like this?

And I want to contrast that with this idea of evolution and evolving in a way that you have this guiding vision about the type of person you want to be and who you want to become.

If you are intentional about your guided evolution, you’re making daily strives to transition into that and to become that person.

For me, a guided evolution is being guided by your inner intuition and an image of how you want to cope, how you want to exist in the world, how you want to feel in your body.

Evolving doesn’t necessarily mean you are striving to be really successful in your career or having all the external trappings of what we oftentimes think of when we hear success in a Western society. That’s one way to look at evolving and growth.

When I think about evolving, I’m also talking about how do I want to cope? How aware am I of my emotions? Am I cognizant of what is happening around me and the circumstances around me? And how am I able to respond to that? Am I coping in a way that supports me and makes me feel good, that makes me feel empowered and resilient? In other words, am I grabbing that glass of wine, or am I taking a few minutes to do yoga poses because I know that makes me feel grounded and makes me feel safe and empowered?

I also think about evolving as doing the inner work that supports our overall well-being. This is what I mean by a guided evolution, and its the reason behind this space!

I think feeling stuck and procrastinating on whatever goals or dreams you have often go hand-in-hand that is to say that they often occur together. For example, you may feel stuck in your job or career. You may hate your job and where you work, but you don’t fill out applications regularly or you aren’t actively trying to take the necessary steps to create a business. Or, you might feel stuck in a relationship.

At the same time, you are avoiding making a decision to continue the marriage or end the marriage, situationship, or friendship whatever. So, you’re procrastinating on that decision.

Or you may feel stuck in your life in general because you’re in the same routine. You may feel bored with life and like you do the same thing every day, and you hate the monotony, but you don’t really know what to do to get out of this feeling.

You might have thought about starting a hobby, or a side hustle, or exercising to help you better cope and break up the day. But you may not even have the energy to think about what steps you would need to take to start the hobby, or the side hustle, or you don’t feel like exercising most days. Whatever variety, I think when we feel stuck it can feel like a vicious cycle.

We feel disempowered, stuck, and we don’t know what to do. So, we procrastinate and don’t do anything. We stay stuck in the same place (job, career, relationship, unhelpful patterns). Rinse and repeat. I’ve been thinking about areas of my life where I feel stuck and like I’m not progressing as much as I want to.

And this episode is building off of that introspection, and what I’m experiencing. And I hope it might give you some insight into what might be keeping you in this place of feeling stuck, and disempowered.

1. You aren’t aware of your thoughts.

You know, I say it all the time, I’m not a therapist. I am not training to be one. I’ve just been in therapy for a long time, I read a lot, and I recognize the power of thoughts. Our thoughts and our minds are so powerful. That’s part of why so much of therapy and psychology is focused on thoughts. A lot of times a shift in perspective and working with your own mind can be an empowering process. But if you are not even aware of your own thinking, it’s very difficult to intervene when your mind creates this reality or situation that doesn’t serve you.

If you’re feeling stuck, I’m guessing that you have a lot of thoughts that are disempowering. A lot of thoughts are causing you to see your life and your situation from a perspective that isn’t serving you. You may be thinking thoughts where you are focusing on the obstacles in front of you rather than looking for ways to work around the obstacles or think in terms of solutions. Let’s say for example that you feel stuck in your current job or career.

I feel like that’s pretty common for people. You may be experiencing a range of emotions like anger, frustration, and helplessness. You may not even know why you’re feeling this way. But the answer to why you feel stuck in your job is going to be linked to your thoughts and what you are thinking about the situation.

If you are thinking, “OMG I hate this job. And I know I’m not going to be able to find another job because the economy is trash. I hate this co-worker, he/she/they get on my nerves.” Of course, you are going to feel stuck and trapped! Your brain isn’t giving you any other options. Now, you may or may not actually be stuck in this job.

But if this is what’s on repeat in your mind, of course you’re going to feel stuck and not feel confident enough to start applying for jobs or starting a business, or doing whatever you can do to change the situation. That’s why I think it’s important to have that awareness and pay attention to what you are thinking when you feel stuck.

It can be powerful to recognize: “This situation is bothering me. Why is that? How am I thinking about this?” But if you don’t have this awareness…

And if you are completely unaware of how you are thinking about the situation that makes you feel stuck, in my experience, this can turn into what feels like an invisible obstacle. That lack of awareness of your thoughts is often the precursor for putting you in this place where you feel stuck in this cycle of self-doubt, fear, and confusion. And this cycle is what leads to the prolonged procrastination.

If you start to recognize that you are caught in a cycle of self-doubt and unproductive thought patterns, try to be compassionate with yourself. Awareness is often a necessary first step to getting unstuck.

2. You are getting caught up on minor tasks.

Another reason you might feel stuck is because you are getting caught up in minor things that keep you from moving forward. This often happens to me when I am doing something that is a long or multi-step process to complete. Some examples of this might be applying for a new job, or a promotion, applying to go back to school. That would be a long process of searching job ads or researching grad schools.

Doing paperwork, filling out applications, interviewing for the job or in some cases grad programs. You might put off scheduling an important meeting or connecting with someone new because you may have to jump through hoops to find or get their contact information.

You might get caught up on finding the right workout video (I do this a lot when practicing yoga), so you might skip your workout all together. It can literally be anything.

If you have a goal or a dream that you are struggling with and feel stuck in that area of your life, look at the little tasks that you may be getting caught up on and using as a reason to not move forward. One current example for me, is submitting my research for publication.

For at least two weeks, I was thinking, “Oh, I don’t know which journal I should submit this paper to.” Never mind the fact that it took me a grand total of 30-minutes to figure out which journal would be the best fit.

But I spent those couple of weeks stuck on this minor obstacle because I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I was going to feel uncomfortable and intimidated. In other words, it was just easier for me to use that minor obstacle, not knowing where to submit the paper, as a reason to procrastinate, which would make me feel even more stuck and disempowered.

So, I want you to think about the goals that you have, and think about the minor tasks that you might use as an excuse not to pursue your goals, and think about how this might be contributing to you feeling stuck.

3. The third reason, you feel stuck because you are not building confidence in yourself.

I looked up the definition of confidence. I got this definition from Oxford Languages. Confidence I defined as, “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.” I really like that definition because I think confidence as a concept is pretty straight forward. I feel like confidence is often portrayed as this mysterious thing that you either have or you don’t have.

Confidence, in my view, is often framed as our ability to think we are attractive to other people or have value or worth. But I think the actual definition of confidence, “the feeling that you can rely on someone or something” as a concept makes a lot of sense.

Confidence is trusting yourself and believing that you can rely on yourself. I think most of us want to feel secure and want to feel confident. But I think confidence can feel so elusive and out of reach. I think confidence comes from setting a standard of consistency for yourself and following through on what you intended and said you would do for yourself.

Think about it like this. I want you to imagine that you are dating someone new. And this person that you’re dating is just not reliable. You make plans with that person, and they only show up about half the time. They are really flaky. They don’t text you back consistently. And you just develop this relationship with that person that is based on a presumption of doubt and the awareness that they ain’t ish, and you shouldn’t have any expectations.

Now, let’s imagine that you are dating someone who is really solid. They text you back immediately. They show up when they say they will. They are always there for you when you need to vent, and you know you can count on them. You start to develop an expectation that you can rely on that person, and they start to become someone who is really important to you.

I want you to think about those two relationships that I just described. Which one best describes the relationship you have with yourself?

Are you someone who says you are going to wake up and exercise, and you actually do it? Are you someone who decides that the job or career path you’re on is not in line with the personal evolution and vision that you have for yourself, and so you immediately start filling out job applications or set up an LLC?

Or are you someone who plans to wake up early and exercise, but ends up saying, whatever girl, I’m tired. I’m sleeping in for another 30 minutes. Or do you often say you are going to fill out job applications later on today, but then this evening rolls around and Netflix, Hulu, or mindless scrolling through IG feels like more of the move? If you are like most people (and me), you are probably a combination of both.

Sometimes you follow through, and sometimes you don’t. I say that because the consistency piece is often the hardest part. But those small decisions to wake up early, or fill out that application, or send that e-mail, those become opportunities to strengthen your consistency and ultimately your confidence.

Just like the solid relationship that most of us would want and expect from a partner in order to build trust, that is the same consistency we should strive for when we are trying to build confidence in ourselves. I think it will be really difficult to feel stuck if you were actively building your confidence. So, if you want to get unstuck, I think that mandates that keep those small, everyday commitments to yourself.

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan
FREE Journal Prompts: https://herguidedevolution.com/4

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan
FREE Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days: https://herguidedevolution.com/4

You might need to refresh and reset your mind if you:

You feel unmotivated and stuck in a pattern.

Every day feels that same.

You don’t want to do anything, and even little things feel like a battle.

You may be slacking on your self-care: you may have been planning to paint your nails, practice yoga, but you’re just in the same funk every single day.

Meetings and any work that you have to do feels like a literal chore.

You might spend every second counting down to when you can go back to scrolling through Facebook/Instagram, watching TV, or eating junk food.

You might start isolating yourself from people.

Texting your friend back feels like too much.

You don’t want to answer your phone.

If you’re in this place and any of this sounds familiar, I encourage you to start with refreshing your mind. Refreshing your mind means recognizing unhelpful thought patterns and identifying any behaviors and bad habits you might have fallen into…so, you can feel energized, get unstuck, and move forward.

Now, I want to highlight some unhelpful thoughts because you know I always encourage you to start with your mind.

Recognize Unhelpful Thought Patterns

But it’s hard not to get caught up in my head. And when I’m stuck in these patterns, my actions and behaviors look different too. And that’s where it becomes important for me to recognize what I am doing to cope with these thought patterns and how this shows up in my life and the things I do.

I’ve been spending hours and hours at a time working and not taking breaks even though I know that only makes me feel more overwhelmed. I feel more overwhelmed when I don’t stop and take a break because it makes me feel like I have absolutely no control over my time.

I want to encourage you to take a moment and check in with yourself. How do your unhelpful thought patterns show up for you in your behavior? Do you overeat? Do you eat processed foods? Do you forget to eat? Do you drink alcohol? Drink a lot of coffee? Do you stop exercising? Do you exercise too much? Do you avoid cleaning up? Do you keep a lot of clutter? Do you let your laundry pile up? Do you avoid people? Do you procrastinate? Really sit with this for a moment.

So, to recap, when you need to refresh your mind:

Step 1: The first step with refreshing your mind is recognizing old thought patterns that don’t serve you. Observe those thoughts. Let them pop up, but I think it’s important to recognize and label these thought patterns as such.  

Step 2: Recognize the behavioral patterns that follow your unproductive thoughts.

You can get to the root of some of this by journaling. You can keep it simple. Action Step: Make a note in your phone, set your timer for 5 minutes, and just type. What thoughts do I have on repeat right now? What situations or scripts is my brain stuck on? What habits or patterns have I been stuck in lately?

  So, I recommend that short journaling exercise. Once you recognize the thought patterns and the unproductive habits, I think this is a great time to think about what actions you can take to reset your life. Remember: If your brain is stuck in the same patterns, of course you are going to feel stuck in your life and feel like you can’t move forward!

Once you are in a place where you are refreshing your mind and want to move forward, you can start focusing on how you are going to reset your life and well-being journey.

Action Steps for Resetting Your Life

I think about resetting your life as a moment where you are recommitting to  your well-being.  It’s a moment where you acknowledge, okay I fell off and I’m in this pattern, but I’m not going to stay in this place.

A reset is your opportunity to do something differently. You have access to a reset any time you decide that you want to feel better. Your well-being journey will likely require you to do a reset over and over again. It’s hard to break cycles that your mind falls into and then your actions follow your mind.

What to Do When You Need a Reset

Gain clarity by journaling. Start with the activity I just laid out to figure out: What are your unproductive thoughts? What are you focusing on that’s causing these negative feelings?  What bad habits are you falling into?

Stop avoiding things and take action. Be it work, exercise, eating healthy, texting. Use that energy that you are expending avoiding stuff just doing the thing. I know you don’t feel like it! Your brain won’t want to, but YOU have to take control and decide that you are going to reset your well-being journey. Go back to what inspires YOU.  You know I’m always telling you to keep a repository of resources to help you stay inspired and motivated. Listen to old episodes of this podcast.

Make a vision board. Do something that helps you tap into your creativity, whatever that looks like for you.

Make a list – and focus on no more than the 3 things in front of you. If you struggle with overwhelm like I do, decide to focus on the things that are due immediately. This helped me a lot because I went into this weekend with a to-do list that basically made me contemplate my whole trajectory in life. But I remember my mom always telling me, “How do you eat an elephant? Cut it up and eat it one piece at a time.” That’s not particularly vegan friendly, but the message is on point.

Those are my tips!

Remember, you probably will need to do this process over and over again on your well-being journey. But it doesn’t matter how many times you fall off or how often you fall into those old thought patterns and behaviors. What matters is that you keep trying and that you’re willing to reset your life whenever you need to. You can always access a fresh start.

How do you know that you need to refresh your mind and reset your life (1:45).

Recognize your unhelpful behaviors (12:25).

Action Step (18:17)

Set a timer and take a note in your phone. Type out your responses to the following:

1) What thoughts do I have on repeat right now? What situations or scripts are stuck in my head?

2) What patterns or behaviors have I been stuck in lately?

How to Reset your life and well-being journey (20:02)

“A reset is your opportunity to do something differently. You have access to a reset anytime you decide you want to feel better or do things differently.”

Strategies when you need a reset (23:26)

Journal to figure out your unproductive thoughts

Stop avoiding things and take action.

Go back to what inspired you and tap into your creativity.

Make a list and focus on no more than three (3) tasks that you need to complete.

Introspection (26:48)

Continuing even when it’s difficult.

Resources

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan

FREE Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days: https://herguidedevolution.com/4

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The Conversation

(3:55) Work, life, and family balance is often a standard that only applies to women.

(6:21) Shanice doesn’t have a problem with women who want to take on traditional roles and are choosing to fulfill that role.

(13:44) Shanice takes issue with the expectation that women should to take on these roles along with the other expectation of maintaining careers.

(10:39) Conversations about work-life balance are even more complicated for Black women who are often stereotyped as mammies, superwomen, and Strong Black Women.

Action Step/Journal Prompts (13:44)

Do you feel guilty when you have to work and can’t be with your kids? If yes, why? What does this mean to you?

Does it feel impossible to maintain your house while you’re working from home? If so, does this bother you? Why?

Do you feel less than worthy when the dishes are dirty, the bathroom needs to be cleaned, the floor needs to be mopped? If so, why?

Introspection (14:56)

Shanice shares what inspired this week’s episode.

Books Mentioned in Episode

Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

In the Wake: On Blackness and Being by Christina Sharpe

The Conversation

8:40 – Defining Emotional Well-Being

“Emotional well-being refers to the emotional quality of an individual’s everyday experience—the frequency and intensity of experiences of joy, stress, sadness, anger, and affection that make one’s life pleasant or unpleasant (Kahneman & Deaton, 2010).”

11:01 – The importance of accepting your emotions

15:12 – Taking ownership of your emotions and claiming your power

19:58 – Making space for positive emotions

22:32 – ACTION STEP: Make a note in your phone titled “Positive Emotions.” Make a simple tally mark throughout your day and log any time you experience positive feelings. This is meant to help you feel your positive feelings more deeply.

Introspection (23:21) – Black women matter and are worthy of health, well-being, joy, peace, and happiness no matter what the world tries to signal to us.

Resources

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan
FREE Journal Prompts
4 Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days

In this week’s episode, Shanice opens up about navigating anxiety and depression while trying to cope during this unprecedented time. She shares some of her struggles with mental health (even though she felt VERY uncomfortable doing so) and offers some suggestions on how you might care for yourself after an emotionally draining week. If you are not okay, you are not alone. We’re all just trying to make it through this uncertain time!

FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan
4 Journal Prompts for Unproductive Days: https://herguidedevolution.com/4

The Conversation

How you might care for yourself after an emotionally draining week:

1. (10:24) Let yourself feel your feelings. They are temporary, and they will pass.
2. (13:15) Reach out for support. You are not a burden.
3. (17:01) Reconnect to your spirituality.
4. (20:06) Re-commit to your healing when you feel up to it.

Mental Health Resources

Find a therapist: Therapy for Black Girls

Find a therapist: Psychology Today

National Suicide Hotline (United States): 1-800-273-8255

Live Chat: Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Liberate App (Meditation for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color)

Books for Anxiety

Overcoming Health Anxiety: Letting Go of Your Fear of Illness

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety

The Conversation

If you are struggling to find inspiration and motivation while working from home, Shanice recommends that you:

1. Make a new playlist (4:26).
2. Seek out inspirational content (e.g. audiobooks, podcasts, books, YouTube videos). (7:18)
3. Do guided journaling. (14:02).
4. Start a new hobby (17:56).

Introspection (22:38)

For the introspection segment this week, Shanice encourages you to actively manage stress with breathing techniques and mindfulness strategies.

Resources Mentioned

• Episode 8, Her Guided Evolution
• Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates
• The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
• The Life Coach School Podcast

In episode 8, Shanice talks about mindful media consumption (consuming content with intention and in a way that serves you) versus mindless media consumption (consuming a lot of content that is negative and/or doesn’t serve you). You’ll learn how to evaluate your social media usage and the content that you consume, and Shanice offers tips to help you curate your social media feeds to promote positive vibes and personal growth. Oh yeah, there’s also a little rant about respectability politics at the end!

Show Notes: https://herguidedevolution.com/8
FREE Daily Self-Care Plan: https://herguidedevolution.com/plan
FREE Journal Prompts https://herguidedevolution.com/4